Why I love Frozen

I'm going to play the new mom card again to justify why I am completely behind on the 2014 movie scene. I did, however, watch half of the Oscars before I passed out at my new mama bedtime of 9:00pm. So at the very least, I now know what movies "might" be worth spending my precious spare moments watching in the next few months.

I sat down to watch Frozen this past weekend with my two nieces 2 and 5, and my almost 6-month-old daughter. I had heard about this movie in passing - something about this song called, "Let It Go" and how kids all over the US just couldn't stop singing it! My sister said I must see the movie, so we all cuddled up for an afternoon of Frozen fun.

Twenty four hours later, this "busy" mama had magically made time to watch the movie 2.5 times, download "Let It Go" on iTunes, and listen to it too many times to count. My husband looked at me with judging eyes and my sister, who told me I HAD to see the movie, called me a "loser." Even my sweet daughter stared at me with confusion as I belted out, "love is an open door" with absolute gusto! Still, I'm not ashamed to say it, I LOVE Frozen! In fact, you might even catch me singing, "Do you want to build a snowman?" the next time I'm walking through the Frozen food section at the grocery store.

Besides the amazing music, impressive animation, and adorable writing, I'll tell you why I really love this movie. I'd warn this is a SPOILER ALERT, but I actually think I might be the last person in the country to see this movie. Seriously.

So you know how in many fairy tales, something goes awry and an act of true love is required to make things right? Like in Snow White, when the prince has to kiss Snow White in order for her to awaken from her death, or in Beauty and the Beast when Bell has to fall in love with the Beast in order for him to turn into a man again? Well in Frozen, a story of two sisters, the act of true love that has to occur to save one of the sisters is not fulfilled by a kiss, or a sweet romance, but instead by an act of love between two sisters. Now how refreshing is that? It makes sense, right? So many little girls (and boys) watching these movies don't care about kissing, or romantic love, but they can understand and appreciate the story of friendship and sibling love. Perhaps I love this movie so much because of the friendship and unconditional love I share with my two sisters. Sisterly love is truly special and this movie shows how deep and absolutely fulfilling that love can be.

I can't wait for my daughter to see this movie when she's a bit older, although I don't look forward to the sshhhhhinnngggg I'll receive when I try to sing along with every song. I can hear it now, "Mom, please, I'm trying to watch the movie!"

I had a friend come over

Since my daughter's birth most of my visitors have been family and close friends. So when one of these visitors come knocking I don't care much if I have dirty pots in the sink, if my mascara is under my eyes instead of on my eyelashes, or if I smell like old breast milk. I am a new mom (wondering now how long I can claim that title), and I know it's no good pretending I always have it together, because I don't.

This week I had to totally check myself when I decided to, drum roll please, have a NEW friend come over. A person who didn't know me and my awful lack of style when overtired and overwhelmed. Who didn't know that every morning I lay on my couch and spend about 10 minutes pondering whether a shower today is really necessary. Who also didn't know that putting on a real bra and a pair of jeans literally feels like getting dressed for a big interview. Oh my goodness, did I have some work to do.

Here's some of my thought process from yesterday morning to show you that 5 months in, I still struggle - oh how I struggle.

1) Baby wakes: "Yes, Becky, daughter needs to come immediately out of pajamas and into cutest outfit she has." Go to closet, sift through clothes. "Pajama, pajama, pajama, ugh I'm tired, okay here's a pink onesie - not the cutest, but better than pajamas."

2) Sit on couch for only 5 minutes: "Yes, Becky, you have to take a shower - you have greasy hair and you smell funky. But, can't I get away with some dry shampoo and new underwear? No, you SMELL. And, you used the dry shampoo yesterday...go to the shower, NOW!"

3) After shower: "To blow dry and straighten (oh get real), to blow dry, or not to blow dry?" Baby cries, go to baby, decision made...

4) The house: "It's pretty clean actually (baby can't move much yet), do I clean up the dirty dishes though or vacuum? No, I don't want it to look too clean - I can't have her thinking that I'm perfect, because I'm so NOT perfect."

5) Sit on couch again, it's 10am, and I'm totally exhausted. Friend arrives with baby. Both looking very put together...talk with friend: "She's so down to earth and totally gets how hard this is. She's a lot like me, actually."

6) Friend leaves: "Maybe next time I'll just do the dry shampoo." 

Reach out

The first question most people ask you when you're a new mom is, "How are you doing?" or "How are you feeling?" Braving a smile and downplaying my feelings got old for me real fast. Not only was it exhausting, but I began to feel like I was hiding something and that never feels good.

When I finally accepted I had postpartum anxiety, I knew it was time to open up and tell people what was going on. After all, I didn't want people thinking the zombie I had become - my ragged face, perpetually low mood, disheveled everything - was the "new me." I wanted people to know I wasn't myself anymore and I wasn't sure if I ever would be again.

I also wanted to tell people because I needed help. I don't know why it's so hard for new moms to ask for help. We want to show people we can do it on our own. I wanted to show people I could do it, that my colicky baby wasn't going to ruin me, and that I could handle being a mother. But the truth is, I couldn't handle it. Not even a little bit. Unfortunately, I waited for my worst days to reach out. I dug down deep, admitted defeat, and made those phone calls..."Please, please come help me with my baby. She's crying and won't stop. I didn't sleep last night and I don't have the strength to rock her all day."

After I got the help I needed, I began to tell more people about what was happening to me and then I witnessed something truly beautiful happen. I felt like a plant covered in two feet of snow, and with every new person I told, the snow melted a little bit more. I was coming alive again because I was embraced with love, support, and acceptance. Hope began to grow within me.

My family and friends hugged me, cried for me, apologized to me, offered up everything to me. And then, I met new people who cared for me.

On one of my worst days, my husband made a phone call to a colleague he hadn't spoken to in months. Our new baby came up in conversation and his colleague asked, "How is your wife doing?" My husband was a bit surprised by the question since it was months after her birth. He answered, "Well, the baby's been colicky and my wife isn't sleeping well." Without missing a beat, his colleague said, "My wife experienced postpartum depression with our first born and if your wife needs someone to talk to, please have her reach out to my wife." We met for coffee soon after and it felt so good to talk with someone who knew exactly what I was feeling without me having to explain.

I reached out, I decided not to suffer in silence, and it's changed my life. In the two weeks I've been blogging, I've met beautiful people who want nothing more than to support another mama. Because the truth is, we all know how hard it is.

No matter what ails you, postpartum depression, cancer, the loss of a loved one...reach out, reach out, reach out. Tell someone else what you're feeling. You might be surprised when the person you tell, hugs you, cries for you, or tells you, "I know exactly how you feel..."

My theme song these days is Sarah Bareilles', Brave. Here are a few lyrics to inspire you:

Nothing's gonna hurt you the way that words do
When they settle 'neath your skin
Kept on the inside and no sunlight
Sometimes the shadow wins
But I wonder what would happen if you

Say what you wanna say
And let the words fall out
Honestly I wanna see you be brave

My mom and me. Best shoulder to cry on.